1337 Deep Sauce
This is Sariie as a human in CoS. As you can see, unholy DKs are at the top of the food chain when there is any significant AoE.
Notice how Pink Floyd syncs up? I totally did that on accident.
Games People Play.
Recently, my roommate was struck by a moving vehicle while being a crazy pedestrian in a crosswalk. He was hit by a late model Volkswagen Beetle and he destroyed it. If you’ve ever seen him (to your right) you would know how. He’s alright but he felt he should go see a doctor since his neck and shoulder were sore.
While in transit to the urgent care center, we started discussing the likelihood of the lady that hit him would be waiting at the care center to stab him in the throat. Just so her insurance rates wouldn’t go up. Since I have been playing tons of Mass Effect lately, it was decided that a video game will need to be based on the experience.
The game will be called Rate Hike. You start the game in your living room watching TV and decide you need to run to Taco Bell for a burrito. You navigate your character to the table where your keys are, put on a jacket, and head out the door. While on your way to your car, Neighbor Johnny, waves at you and engages a 4 hour (actual) conversation about bullshit. Not only will this piss the player off, but there is no real reason for this to be in the game at all. It’s completely useless.
You hop into your car and head to town. You are only 8 miles from Taco Bell but along the way there are 486 crosswalks and you have to dodge pesky pedestrians through each one. Finally, at crosswalk 397, you strike a pedestrian. The cops come, everyones OK, insurance info is exchanged, and you go home to bed, never acquiring the damn burrito.
Another useless part of the game? Watching your character sleep for 8 actual hours. At this point you feel violated for even renting the fucking game.
The next morning you contact your insurance agent, you learn your rates are gonna sky rocket if a claim is filed. So you vow to stop the pedestrian from ever making a claim. You spend the next 10 hours of game play trying to find the guy and stab him in the throat. It takes 10 hours because the town you live in has over 10,000 urgent care centers, and you have to search every on of them because, it’s always, the last place you look.
The end of the game is so disappointing, that you immediately stab yourself in the throat.
- Total game play: 25 hours
- Level of anger: 147%
- Number of self inflicted throat wounds: 473,983
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Listening to: Nine Inch Nails – Into the Void
via FoxyTunes
